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Ultra Mega Super... Update
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
01:07 a.m.
Hello all you happy people. Yeah, I haven't updated in a suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuper long time. Blame laziness and busyness. >.< Anyway, since it's 1am in the morning, I don't have the patience right now to make a good substantial entry. But I'll just say that so far, I think I'm doing tons better in class than last school year. I better be. >.< Well, for one, I haven't been called to any departments this time. So I guess it means I'm safe. Well, yeah, that's all for now. Maybe I'll post again when I wake up in the bright morning.
Good night... *yawn*
~~~~~~~~~~The Super Late Entry
Saturday, December 3, 2011
10:34 a.m.
Wow. Three months since I last posted. Can't help it. I've been really busy; busy with school, busy with the sembreak, and now busy for next week's exams. Maybe I' give a real update after exams are over. Till then I guess.
~~~~~~~~~~Awakening Only In Dreams
Saturday, September 10, 2011
10:02 a.m.
Before I start with this entry, I have to say I got my 2nd long exam results and I failed Medicine, Neuro, but passed Pediatrics. MPL was too high. >.< I guess I have to try harder and aim for a higher score. I have four more chances...
Anyway, now to the actual entry...
Last night, I had a dream that seemed so real, that in my dream I thought I was't dreaming. I was with 2012A on some beach party. I forgot what the occasion was. It was probably a relaxation thing. It was night time and we were all in this classroom-like room. It looked kinda like the Pathology classroom in school, except darker and the seats were cushioned and comfortable. I was seated in the fifth row on the first seat from the left. Two seats on my right were empty, and on the third seat was B.K.A.. On his left was Val, one of my old female classmates. And then a little farther off to the other end of the row was the reject. A little while later, B.K.A. stood up and passed me, going somewhere for a while. Val on the other hand ended up moving further to the right talking to the reject and a few other people. As for me, since more seats were made available, I lay down on my side, unable to control my sleepiness. The seats were that comfy too. I closed my eyes. I later heard two of my FilAm classmates pass me and occupy two seats over my head. A few seconds later, I heard B.K.A.'s voice. I glanced at my row. He had no seat. While he could have occupied another row (in fact, I was expecting it), he approached this same row. I got up, and offered him the seat where my head was laying. Surprisingly, he took it. And even more surprisingly, he noticed how drowsy I was and offered me a little more space to lie on. The top of my head then was pretty much touching the side of his thigh. Knowing that any part of my body was touching him made my heart skip a beat. I guess I was still crushing on the guy.
Then the lights went out. What we were all waiting for finally came. I got up. Strangely, we were all waiting to watch a film called (I have no idea why it was this film) "Jesus Christ Superstar". And that's not the only strange thing. The title was in katakana. O_o I asked B.K.A. if he was going to watch this. He simply shrugged his shoulders. I went back down on comfy seats, twisting my body again so that I could fit between B.K.A. and my own seat. He seemed to notice this, and to my surprise, offered his lap. His freakin' lap. I awkwardly took the offer and rested my head there. It was very warm. By this time, I couldn't really fall asleep anymore. What with my heart beating wildly and the awkwardness of this position. I glanced to the other side of the row and found the reject looking really gloomy. I sighed, and forced myself to sleep. I woke up again in my dream, and heard the film still playing. But it felt weird. There was something heavy and warm on top of me. And I was shocked to find that it was actually B.K.A. He had fallen asleep, leaning himself on top of me. It felt so warm and so nice. But probably to Robin, this was something scandalous. O.o I was more tachycardic than ever. I asked myself if I was just dreaming, because most stuff like this involving B.K.A. had always been dreams. It was later on when I asked Robin myself if I was dreaming. Robin chuckled and replied, "No, Carmen. I don't think you are!" Ironically, it was after that when I really woke up, and found myself lying sideways on my bed.
Another B.K.A. dream disappoints...
~~~~~~~~~~An Irrational Hatred
Thursday, September 8, 2011
07:58 p.m.
If there is one thing that irks me, bothers me, annoys me... It's a mac. Yeah, you read that right. A Mac computer/laptop.
While another friend of mine absolutely despises Apple products, my hatred is focused more on the computer. Why do I hate it? It just annoys me. Even I get irked when I see people using a Mac, what more my friends. Heck, Rainy has already gotten more inclined to Mac and uses it way more than Windows. And believe me, it ticks me just thinking about it. >.< It gets even more annoying when I want to share something with him but can't because of the damn compatibility issues between a Mac and Windows. But what can I do? I couldn't even get him to switch because he just wanted to stay on Mac. D: So I had to wait some weeks before I could finally show him what I wanted to. Each and every time, he always used Mac. I can't do anything about it anyway. I don't want to take it all out on him. I'm trying my best to control myself from lashing out (which is why I am blogging about it at this moment). I just hate the damn thing. Hell, I even hate when my dad tells me to help him burn something or fix something in his Mac. D: GAH! And well, I can't show my distaste to him. He's my dad. So I end up showing my distaste to other people instead, namely my Apple-hater friend and Rain. Unfortunately, Rain is a Mac user, and it's hard to really say something without getting into something heated. It's become a semi-joke too; I tell him that we're not compatible. Lol. You know how they say jokes are half-meant. Well, in this case, it really is half-meant. >.<
*sigh* I really don't know why Mac annoys me. It just does. I probably had some weird or bad experience with it in the past or something... Hmm... Looking back, the first time I heard about Mac was when I was in fourth grade. I had a friend who had a Mac computer and... Hmm... Come to think of it, that friend of mine became a really bad enemy when we got into fifth grade I think. I remember regarding him as a good friend but because of peer pressure, he became really disgusted with me or something. I was really sad that time. And even when we became "friends" again, it wasn't the same. There was still that barrier between us. Mind you, the Mac wasn't the reason why we fought. D: Actually, I don't really know why we fought; I just know it was peer pressure. But the effect was pretty negative with me. After all, I did have a crush on that guy for a while and I enjoyed playing with him. I guess I was devastated when he took a 180 degree turn. Considering that every time I thought of Mac, he'd come to mind, I guess it's a possible explanation why I despise Macs. Well, at least it's a possible psychiatric explanation? ^^: I don't know. But what I do know is that I never liked Mac when it started getting popular. The hatred may have started in grade school or probably later than that but... bottomline, I just despise Macs. And I as much as I wish my closest friend didn't favor it so much, there's really nothing I can do about it. I have to swallow my pride, fight away the hatred, and put up with it... No matter how difficult it is...
~~~~~~~~~~2nd Long Exam Revelation
Thursday, September 8, 2011
07:14 a.m.
I'll be leaving for school in a few. Actually, I still don't have class today, at least "formally". Today is all exam feedbacks, so I guess I'll be finding out how I did in exams. I know med was terrible (glad to know I wasn't the only one who messed it up). Hopefully, neuro and pedia turn out the way I expect them to.
Meh... Actually, I'm feeling too lazy to go to school right now. T^T
~~~~~~~~~~"Maharot"
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
09:56 p.m.
Lookie, another blog entry. Lol.
Well, I was just reading through my old blog entries. I just realized this blog is already seven years old! Cool! I also realized that my old entries had way more substance than my recent ones. It's probably because I'm in med school and med school is draining the creativity out of me? I don't know. But I'd like to get that substance back. I was so into blogging that I'd even just make a two sentence entry if time permitted. Maybe I should go back to doing that. At least my blog becomes even more updated and it would be more up to date with what's really going on.
Anyway, reading through the old entries got me reminiscing about college again, especially the earlier years when me, Paulus davidus (Rain), and Carlis sarionensis were all still together. We're all still friends till now, but we don't exactly talk to each other as much as we used to. But the entries showed me how much I really enjoyed my college days. I pretty much enjoyed it so much, I found the time to make blog entries about whatever happened. I was reminded of how and why I considered my friends as very important, especially Rain. Even outside that lovey-dovey relationship we were in (and most likely still are in now >.<), Rain is a very precious friend. I was reminded of how he was pretty much the only one I was comfortable crying in front of. Granted, our friendship has gotten a lot deeper over the years, to the point that we can now share each other secrets and trust each other with things that are definitely not easily entrusted.
It's interesting how me and Rain started. We were two 17 year olds with similar interests yet with different personalities. I could say what brought us together as friends was anime. Yeah, anime unites all. O.o Anyway, we're different when it comes to personality. I was the outgoing, spontaneous one while he was the quiet dude who isolated himself in the corner of the classroom. It was because of his silence and his always being in solitude that made him so mysterious to me and piqued my curiosity about him. All the more I wanted to poke him and talk to him (this became the reason he'd always call me "maharot"); I was attracted. Maybe it wasn't a crush that time, but it was certainly some kind of initial attraction. It was until I developed a crush on Bean that my attraction to Rain was reduced. Oh, and let's not forget that part where Rain was an atheist! As for the reason why he was an atheist, I don't remember really. >.< I don't know if he told me the reason or I just forgot all about it, but I'm pretty sure it had something to do with being angry with God or something. I don't think I was able to get the reason WHY. Maybe I should ask him one of these days... Anyway, his being an atheist didn't help when we entered the er... "next stage" of the relationship. He was pretty much shunned thanks to my parents. It's a very painful memory. But after all these years, I hope they'll give him another chance. After all, I just know Rainy's atheism was something out of pride and immaturity. But now he's matured and trying his best despite all the negativity that's been coming to him (such as not being accepted in UERM, and not given the chance to enroll right away this school year).
I wonder what the future holds for us. We'll only find out till we get there I guess. How I really wish I was 17 again. I do want to go back to the time when we first met, not only to correct the mistakes I made but also because it was only during college years when I felt so free and easy-going. I really want it back. If only med school could loosen the chains just a little bit.
~~~~~~~~~~A Little Sway
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
09:11 p.m.
I recently worked on the layout of my ameblo blog. I made the banner and the bars with photoshop. And I had to edit the CSS stuff to make the page look the way I wanted it to. If you click the link above, that's the result.
I actually like my own banner. Lol. I'm happy with the results too. It was the first time I really edited CSS stuff. In this blog, I never really edited the CSS. I just copy-pasted sources from other blogs. Lol. Anyway, once I get the hang of CSS, I'll start making my own layouts for real. I'll probably even fix this blog on my own.
Hmm... I should probably part-time as a web-designer or something.
Anyway, I had no classes yesterday and today. Nice rest time, huh? Rainy came over both days. XD I taught him some stuff about medicine. Hopefully he's learning. His classes start tomorrow. I expect he'll teach me about computer stuff soon. XP
Speaking of medicine, I just found out my grade for the 2nd long exam for Medicine. I failed. But when I looked at everyone else's grades, it looked like a hell lot failed too. D: Well, it's a good thing I passed the first exam though. Now I gotta make this failure up with the 3rd exam. I am more confident with Pediatrics though; I'm pretty sure I didn't fail that one. If I did, I will rage. Neuro is probably 60/40 in favor of passing for me. It was more difficult than the first exam, but I believe I was able to make the cut. Medicine was pretty much the most difficult of the three this time. Stupid endocrinology. I do hate hormones. I am definitely not going to be an endocrinologist. >.< Well, I just hope my parents don't freak if they find out I failed. I'm trying even harder this schoolyear after all. I know they expect higher grades this time because I'm repeating. But believe me, it's a lot more difficult than it seems. These aren't some college subjects that were easier to make up for. These are medicine subjects, and medicine isn't a walk in the park. But despite that, I'm really making sure I won't fail again this schoolyear. My parents probably don't trust me on this, but it's fine... I mean, I can't really assure them until it's done. I'll do my best.
~~~~~~~~~~Test Rest
Monday, September 5, 2011
04:39 p.m.
Just finished the second set of exams. Neuro and Med were harder than the first ones, but Pediatrics was amazingly the easiest one of the three. In fact, it was "so easy" I made a mistake in shading my answers because I was going too fast. DX Friggin' FAIL on my part. Lol. But I think I did okay. Fortunately I only made that mistake on two numbers. Imagine if it was a whole column. I'd cry. >.<
Anyway, now that I'm free and have no classes till Wednesday, I'm gonna blog and photoshop and study Japanese and do Pottermore and forum and study for the USMLE. Ugh. USMLE, I need to catch up on that. My exam is scheduled on December. Hopefully I can move it to January or something. I'm gonna start reviewing today and hopefully I can finish up Biochemistry by next week.
By the way, yesterday was my dad's birthday. We ate in YakiMix, a grill buffet. The food was so good, I think I gained weight again from the dinner, and that's bad. Lol. Speaking of weight, I started taking this diet supplement called Fitrum. Apparently, it's an L-carnitine supplement that helps burn fat. Of course, it's not a surefire drug, but I don't want to get to the biochemistry and pharmacology of it. Theoretically, it could work. So I guess I'll just update on the results of that. My starting weight is 140lbs. Yeah. I'm effing heavy. It's embarrassing... DX
And that's all for today.
~~~~~~~~~~Regaining What Was
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
01:39 p.m.
I got my Medicine results and I passed! My score wasn't sky high of course, but I was pretty much average and in line with everyone else. I guess this new style of studying is a good one. XD I still haven't gotten Neurology yet though. Maybe I'll check it out later after we interview the Med patient...
Anyway, aside from school stuff, I better keep up with USMLE. I've already registered and I still have a long way to go with my studies for it. Unfortunately, studying for USMLE isn't very easy, especially since I'm on the topic of Biochemistry right now. And I HATE Biochemistry. >.< I have to come up with a way to make my studying effective enough till December. Maybe I should do it the same way I do it with school studies? Hmmm...
I also started photoshopping again. I haven't made an artwork in YEARS. You can just check out my Flavors page for my most recent work. It was just simple. I don't think it's that amazing. >.< I'm going to try making a signature for my LevelUp Games forum account later. I still have to extract the image I want, which is time-consuming.
Well, I gotta go now.
~~~~~~~~~~BELIEVE
Saturday, July 30, 2011
01:33 p.m.
I have a cold. Damn weather. >.<
Anyway, it's been a while since I felt a little more free time. As for my exams, I've only gotten results for Pediatrics. 55/100 and the MPL was 60. I say "was" because the professor hinted at lowering the MPL because a third of the batch would fail. So I say I passed the test. Lol. But really, 55/100 is an improvement from last time. So I really believe I'm doing better. I'll just try even better for the next exam. I know I can get through a repeat of 3rd year.
I BELIEVE!!!
~~~~~~~~~~Observership and a Migration
Sunday, July 24, 2011
01:23 p.m.
Later tonight we'll be eating out for dinner as a "despidida" party for my aunt who will be migrating to Canada. It's kinda sad, because ever since I've moved here, I always see her. It's been about 17 years now. That's a long time to get at least a bit attached. She was also the family's private dentist. She did my teeth ever since I moved here and cleaned them every year. Now we'll have to look for another dentist, which is going to be quite hard, because we trust my aunt fully and it's going to be hard to trust another dentist.
We're all going to miss her. Me and my parents don't even go to Canada that much, so we'll barely be seeing her this time. T^T I wish her a safe flight when she leaves.
~~~~~~~~~~Losing Creativity
Friday, July 22, 2011
04:56 p.m.
So I made a little page in flavors.me and realized I didn't know what to put in it. I wanted it to be a site where I could compile my blogs and SNS, but I also wanted to make it very personalized. I was thinking about a description, but when I was ready to type, I couldn't. I didn't know what to put. Sad. I am usually good at writing these kinds of stuff, but even my deviantart's gathering dust. I haven't written literature in forever. >.< I really need to get my creativity back. I'm thinking of doing roleplays like a couple of my old friends. But then my problem is who the hell will I roleplay? >.< Meh. Maybe I can look for OC roleplays or something...
~~~~~~~~~~Temporary
Thursday, July 21, 2011
11:18 p.m.
Whew. Just finished the first set of exams this school year. I believe I did better this time in the exams. I'm trying out a different method of studying. Aside from reading books and trans and listening to lectures, I take down notes on what I think is interesting or important. So, no, I don't copy the lectures (that's the trans's job. XD). I only get the emphasized stuff. It sticks in my head too.
Anyway, notice any difference in my blog? I removed the shoutbox, because no one really uses it, and Rain barely comes to my blog anymore. This place has become a ghost town, er, blog. I replaced the shoutbox with a playlist and I added a Plurk widget. Why? Because I can use Plurk for quick updates or microblogging. I'm practically supporting a lot of blog services, it's not even funny. I've compiled them all here (with the exception of pitas, YouTube, and Facebook): The Gateway. I'm planning to change some of the content though, like the description. I'm also considering that one year upgrade. It's pretty tempting.
Well, that's all for now. I have observation duty this Saturday night from 6pm to 6am Sunday. That is a messed up schedule, really. Meh.
~~~~~~~~~~My Heart Skips A Beat
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
08:21 p.m.
Thanks to commercials of some K-drama on Animax, I downloaded this song. When I read the lyrics, I was suddenly reminded of my most recent crush. >.< Yeah, Bjorn.
Heart Skips A Beat - Lenka
Heart skips a beat, my heart skips a beat
My heart is playing tricks on me
And it’s building bricks on me
I can’t break through
And I can’t face you
My world is turning slowly now
But it’s burning up somehow
I need some time
To know what’s right
‘Cause it’s only in the quiet that I feel some relief
I’m trying hard not to resist the joy
Don’t listen to me I’m being paranoid
I might try hard but it’s too hard to avoid
My heart skips a beat
My heart skips a beat
My heart is always first to know
And as the feeling grows
I can’t deny push those thoughts aside
My world is full of loveliness
But I focus on the stress
My heart says “Go” but my brain says “No”
And it’s only in the quiet that I hear myself breathe
I’m trying hard not to resist the joy
Don’t listen to me I’m being paranoid
I might try hard but it’s too hard to avoid
My heart skips a beat
My heart skips a beat
My heart skips a beat
My heart skips a beat
Oh I know this time ’cause it’s physical
My blood has stopped and I am breathless as well
But I need a minute to convince myself
‘Cause it’s only in the quiet that I know what to feel
I’m trying hard not to resist the joy
Don’t listen to me I’m being paranoid
I might try hard but it’s too hard to avoid
My heart skips a beat
My heart skips a beat
I’m trying hard not to resist the joy
Don’t listen to me I’m being paranoid
I might try hard but it’s too hard to avoid
My heart skips a beat
My heart skips a beat
My heart skips a beat
My heart skips a beat
Lagging In Some Things
Friday, June 24, 2011
08:56 p.m.
Hello! Today is typhoon day. It's been raining since yesterday non-stop. O_o
Anyway, so far third year round two is okay. It's VERY light, and it feels strange when my new groupmates are stressing out while I get to go back to Mezza early and do my papers and read my books and notes earlier. Looks like third year really slapped them in the face, just like it did to me and my old classmates last schoolyear. Lol.
School aside, I'm lagging in my Japanese recently. I haven't been studying it a lot and I'm strting to forget the kanji I learned. Weh. I guess I'm going to have to catch up. Not to mention, my USMLE review's gone to a standstill. I'll need to catch up on that too. Looks like my schedule is actually tighter than it seems. I better make a schedule that I can follow so I don't lag behind on anything. Weh.
~~~~~~~~~~Year 3, Round 2
Thursday, June 16, 2011
08:39 a.m.
Okay, I promise I'll update my blog more often now. I have more time, and it takes me 15-30 minutes to write an entry, depending on how long it is.
School so far is... okay I guess. I have about one class a day, two hours each. DX I don't know anyone in class except for four people; one who's an old classmate from DLSU and the other three were my classmates in first year med (they failed either Biochem or Anatomy). Anyway, at least I'm not completely on my own in a way. But I have to get to know my precep groupmates, and I really hope I am grouped with at least one person I know. It would make things more comfy.
On a sidenote, we just lost another lovebird. Her name was "Ocean", she escaped from her old cage, wherever it was and landed on our garden. We took care of it till two days ago, when she got eaten by a cat... I don't know if it's a good thing I wasn't there when that happened...
R.I.P. Ocean
~~~~~~~~~~I'm Alive
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
07:08 p.m.
Never have I been so depressed, that I actually opened the kitchen closet and found a knife looking very friendly to me.
But here I am. I'm still alive, despite the hurt and pain I had to face and take today. I'm not the perfect little girl. I'm not the best daughter. I'm just plain me, and I only try to be the best I can be. And after I visited my friends from school, seeing them enjoying themselves despite the stress of being a JI, trying to take care of patients; I'm glad I'm still alive. No matter how much it hurts, I'll just keep moving forward.
I'm Alive - Becca
Nothing I say comes out right,Hand in hand
Friday, May 13, 2011
08:46 a.m.
Just came back from my last trip for the next two years in the States. I've got about a month left till I go back to the reality of med school. As for Rain, he's going to enroll again in DLSU and take a Computer Science course. For some reason, this is bothering me a lot. I don't know if it's that selfishness again or what. Part of me wants him to do his best over there, and another part is somewhat envious.
Why? Why envy? It's completely out of place for me to feel that way. In fact, he is the one who is most envious. He wanted to become a doctor, and here I am struggling on the road to reach the very goal he wants to reach. I also want to be a doctor, yet I am feeling this unnecessary envy. It's probably my true nature acting up again. I am always envious about things. The root of it must be that I want to be able to do many many things. Just look at the stuff I wish I could do and even my hobbies: I want to learn Japanese, I want to be able to draw well, I want to be able to write good stories, I want to be able to make good designs, I want to learn programming (Computer science was my 2nd choice for a course after Biology), I want to learn Korean, I want to be a black belt in a martial art... So many things; and I've probably done only half and did not finish. Am I spoiled? Greedy? Am I some brat, desiring so many things at once? Maybe I am. But what person is ever satisfied with what he has or has done? No one can get everything he or she wants, and I'm well aware of that. And that's why I'm trying to suppress the envy I feel for other people; for Rain. I have absolutely no right to feel this way, especially to him.
Rain, do your best over there. And I'll do my best here. We both can't get everything we want... But that doesn't mean we can't get a part of it. When I'm done here, I will teach you everything I can about your dream; how to diagnose, how to prescribe, how to do a physical examination, how to read radiologic imaging and tests... Just teach me how to be more computer literate. ^^
~~~~~~~~~~Selfishness
Monday, April 18, 2011
10:01 a.m.
Selfishness...
It's probably the reason for all of this. Lately, I haven't been getting the things I wanted; passing 3rd year in UE, Rainy getting into UE, and Rainy getting the chance to become a doctor. Now Rainy has decided to take another course, computer science. Why do I say selfishness, when most of the time I've been praying for someone else?
The reason I prayed for him was because I wanted to be with him. If he got into UE, I'd be able to see him for two more years and we'd both be on the same path to becoming a doctor. If he at least got into DLSU, even if I won't see him for a few years, we would both be on the same path and the same destination. Everyone always said that only those in the medical field would understand the life of a doctor. Those outside that field who were in a relationship with a doctor didn't last long, because they couldn't stand the schedule of their loved one. This is what I'm so afraid of. Now that Rainy's taking a different course, not only will I not see him for a long time, but our paths are different, and I'm scared he'd run out of patience for a doctor.
It's selfish, right?
I don't know what will happen from now on. All I can do now is work extra hard and be the doctor Rainy wanted to be and do the things he wanted to do, because he won't be able to attain it anymore.
Time
Friday, April 15, 2011
10:14 a.m.
Lately, I've been updating my blogs more often, especially my Japanese one. I'm glad I have lots of time now. I could barely update my blogs including this and LJ during classes. Meh. Imagine if I get to JI. DX If I do blog, I'll probably blog about my patients, but that isn't a bad thing anyway. As long as I can write.
Anyway, apparently I've been improving on my Japanese according to my penpals. Before I reach JI-ship, I hope I can keep up a good conversation. Then I can write random stuff without people knowing what I'm writing about. Nyahahaha! XD
Newborn Layout
Thursday, April 14, 2011
05:44 p.m.
After a VERY long time, I finally changed the layout of this blog. Whew. I also archived the rest of my entries. Cheers for the first post with the new layout! Weee!
~~~~~~~~~~
